Then again I'm wandering around that app, found few guys, and from a game I'm playing, found few guys too.

Not to brag but all of them at some point show some hints that they want more but too slow or too fast.

The too fast; immediately playing around with that three words. Asking for meet up on the very first day we chat. Or trying hard to be my special one already.  I don't even come to liking you yet, Set aside loving you. Excuse me, who are you again?

The too slow; few hints received and few hints returned but no effort to take another step. Like 'seriously aku dah ready nak keluar kalau kau ajak aku jumpa tapi xdak apa pon'. Or something like 'kita ni nak kawan je ke? Kalau nak kawan je xpayah la bagi hint-hint tu'.

Oh forget to mention, one of the too fast already considered me as his serious girlfriend while I don't even have any feelings for him. Uh-oh! My only fault is being a very caring friend while a honestly, coldly and cruelly told him I don't love him or any sorts. He maybe mistook me as the kind that don't speak my heart. Lesson learnt. At this point of age, you don't just get real close and all those luahan perasan ambil berat stuffs with a guy without one side being misunderstood. Nu-uh. Almost impossible. High school, yes. College? Work? No.

And I skip the part I went to Universal Studio Singapore with Buddy, Lily, Arina, Thaqief and Zizie.

Right when I got home, me eyes are set on this one guy. Now my fiancé by agama and soon will be my fiancé by adat. LOL

Five Years Over And One Month Of Unsettled

After 5 years of being broken and trying to mend my own heart, finally i succeed. I finally okay with the scars he gave me. Okay with the scars I actually look for by myself. My heart longing to find his replacement but isn't that cruel? If finding a replacement is my goal, then I am actually stuck with him forever.

So I made an oath to myself, never try to look for another guy unless I am comfortable with alone. Only when alone doesn't mean lonely. I succeed after a hard time over almost 5 years.

I'm sorry if I ever been blind to anyone trying to break through wall. If any of you guys trying to reach my heart, if ever you guy(s) exist, I'm sorry for ignoring,for not realising. I had to.I had to blinding myself because if ever i noticed any of you trying to reach me, i would respond and give you false hope. I dont want that. It's better hurt a bit before anything started, than hurt after everything that was wrong started.

And after i can stand by myself and proudly call myself single and a proud single, u found a guy. A budding guitarist from the a band base here in Penang. Lets just put his name as Jackie Joe. That's what my niece been calling him when we talked bout him anyway.

Knew him through an app. Social app. I think u guys can giess. He lives just right on front of my building. Everyday I can see his car parked there. I can even watch him coming back from work. At first, everything went so well. I thought he was the one for me. We matched each other so well.


But then after few days, things getting bad.He didn't act like the first time I saw him. Or didn't even act like when he said he want me to be his girlfriend. This guy is turning weird. I figured he wanna throw me away maybe. But i didn't yield just like that. I dont wanna regret later, so I fight for him.

I started a plan to make him fall hard for me. To make him love me like crazy and I failed. Those were the days I've been always butterflies, anxious, unsettled and heart aching. Then after I'm tired of the feeling unsettled and heart aching so bad, I finally gave up and set myself free from his curse. I finally feel alive and free. Eventhough i only knew him for a very short time,those were the longest unsettled one month i ever had.

And I am glad I end it. He was never meant to be with me. I'm totally over his love, but I'm still his biggest fan. Go Dramaking! ( i have to edit the band name later when they got famous.but for now, i let it be there)

Be Reminded Whenever You Felt Like Wanna Yield

Always a motivation whenever I dream about getting married and meeting rich boyfriend.

This is for all the independent ladies out there

I can live well without a man
So if you’re not confident, don’t come to me
I don’t sell myself easily because
I don’t need a man I don’t need a man
I don’t need a man I don’t need a man
I can live well without a man

I pay my rent with my money
I buy my own food, I buy my own clothes
It may not be enough but I know how to be satisfied
That is why I love myself (hey)

I don’t want to spend my parent’s allowance as my own
I’m too old for that
Isn’t it a given to not be burdensome to them?
That is why I am proud of myself

Being cocky won’t work with me
I don’t know about anywhere else
I may not be as well off as you but
I overflow with confidence
That’s why I love myself

I want to take care of myself
The other girls may have rich parents or a rich boyfriend
And live comfortably but I’m not interested in that
That is why I am proud of myself

Boy don’t say
“I am your future, trust and lean on me” no no
Boy don’t play
If you’re not gonna respect me

I wake up early every morning
And I’m busy all day
I don’t even eat a proper meal
But I do this because I like it
The money may be little but it’s from my own sweat
This isn’t a ring that a boyfriend bought me
My car, my clothes – I bought it all on my own
I bought them after putting money into savings, after giving allowance to my parents
If you trust men, what will you do when they leave you?
Are you jealous of me?
If you’re jealous, you lose

I can live well without a man
So if you’re not confident, don’t come to me
I don’t sell myself easily because
I don’t need a man I don’t need a man
I can live well without a man

Blood Type in Korea

In America, we ask people what their horoscope signs are. In Korea, horoscope signs are not important, the first thing people ask you is what blood type you are. In Korean culture and stereotypes, you can tell a whole lot about a person just by knowing their blood type. There are four types of blood: A, B, AB, and O. Today we're going to dissect blood type A and see the K-pop stars that fall within the type A category.

People with blood type are usually characterized as being perfectionists, serious, introverted and patient. They are meticulous with detail, ambitious, and in pursuing their goals. They are cautious and stubborn to ensure everything is perfect which is often perceived by others as being obsessive and uptight. They are also sensible, creative, eager, but can be too earnest. They can get quite timid in awkward situations and are sensitive and sentimental.

Many group leaders have the blood type A and most often times need many of these qualities in order to be a good leader. Some blood type A leaders include the following: Yong Hwa of CN Blule U-Know Yunho of DBSK, Big Bang's G-Dragon, Sunye of the Wonder Girls, Lee Teuk of Super Junior, 2NE1's CL, f(x)'s Krystal, MBLAQ's Seung Ho, and Jonghun of F.T. Island.

Credit : kpopstarz


Whoa! I am all these things?

I Am Laila Yusoff

Now that my heart is falling for another guy, I am officially over him.
(I think I better use the term 'guys'.LOL)

=) I am okay now.

I used to relate him to every love story I saw and cry.( Yes, I cried too. Afterall I'm a human right.)But not anymore, no more tears.

So let's start anew.

The denial state of Lala Chan can slowly kept on the rack.

I'm not throwing away Lala Chan coz there are memories I treasured too,with this name.

But I longed to pull myself back up and start a brand new day.

So I am officially Laila Yusoff.

Aku Ini Pendosa, Kak...

"Aku ni pendosa, kak"

Adikku, kau memang pendosa, aku ini pun pendosa.

"Tapi dosa aku ni dosa besar, kak. Mana mungkin aku boleh kembali ke cahaya."

Adikku, aku cakapkan sudah sebentar tadi, kita ini memang pendosa. Kau pendosa, aku pun pendosa, bahkan semua manusia di muka bumi ini. Lainlah kalau kau itu Rasulullah s.a.w.

Rasulullah s.a.w. itu maksum,terpelihara dari dosa, tapi kita tidak. Kita pendosa.

Rasulullah s.a.w. itu dibasuh hatinya oleh malaikat atas arahan Tuhan. Kita tidak, kita pendosa.

Maka dengan itu wahai adikku, selagi ada nyawa di badanmu, selagi bernafas kau di bumi Tuhan ini, Tuhan janjikan, pintu taubat sentiasa terbuka.

Maka dengan itu adikku, di akhirat kelak kita ditimbang amalan kita.

Jika pahala melebihi dosa, syurga janjinya.

Jika dosa melebihi pahala, neraka tempatnya.

Tapi beruntunglah kita Islam, walau ke neraka selama mana pun, akhirnya akan ke syurga juga.

Tuhan tidak pernah berkata " Wahai manusia, jika kau TIADA dosa, maka syurgalah tempatmu, Jika kau mempunyai dosa, ke nerakalah engkau." Tidak wahai adikku! TIDAK sama sekali!

Syaitan sentiasa cubamendekati kita ini adikku, kita anak-anak Adam, syaitan dah bersumpah.

Syaitan tak pernah  putus asa untuk menghasut kita melupakan Tuhan.

Sekuat manapun iman, sekali sekala tersungkur juga.

Tapi itu tak bermaksud kita patut biarkan syaitan-syaitan laknatullah itu berjaya.

Kalau tersungkur, bangun semula, tersungkur lagi, bangun lagi, kalau dah lama tersungkur tak bangun-bangun sampai sudah lupa  cara untuk berjalan, maka merangkaklah atau apa cara sekali pun cuba bangun.

Tuhan ciptakan Adam, disuruhNya sekalian semua sujud kepada Adam. Syaitan pun disuruh sujud kepada nenek moyang asal-usul umat manusia itu, dan dijadikan kita KHALIFAH di muka bumi ini. Tidakkah itu petanda bahawa kita ini mampu, bahkan amat berkuasa untuk melawan fitnah-fitnah dah hasutan syaitan laknatullah itu?

Syaitan yang disuruh sujud kepada kita itu, kenapa kita nak dengar bicara mereka melebihi apa yang Tuhan  perintah? Kita hanya disuruh sujud kepada Tuhan yang satu, ALLAH. Satu, tak ada yang lain lagi. Bukan kepada syaitan, bukan nafsu, bukan manusia, bukan alim ulamak, bukan pemerintah. TAK.

 HANYA pada ALLAH S.W.T.

"Tapi kak, aku dah hanyut jauh sangat. "

Adikku, kita ini pendosa, tapi Tuhan sayang kita, diberikan peluang dalam bentuk 'Taubat'.

Adik sedar yang adik dah hanyut jauh itupun sebenarnya satu langkah ke arah kebaikan dah tu. Orang yang buat dosa tapi tak sedar-sedar yang dia berdosa macam mana nak berubah? Sedangkan dia rasa dah dia dah ok. Sedar diri,supaya usaha nak perbaiki sentiasa ada.

Cubalah mencari kebaikan. Walau sebesar habuk sekalipun, ia dikira. Dicatatkan oleh malaikat bahawa langkah ke arah kebaikan telah dimulakan. Ya, Tuhan kita, Allah itu sangat Penyayang. Sejauh manapun kita lari, sejauh mana pun kita buang Tuhan, tapi walau selangkah kita mendekati Nya, Tuhan kira, sayangku. Tuhan kira itu sebagai kebaikan.

Kalau manusia, ada boleh buat macam tu? Hari-hari orang baling tahi dekat kita, tiba-tiba satu hari kuantiti tahi yang dibaling itu kurang sedikit.  Ada kita nak seronok? Tak. Kita tak tahu pun. Ada kita nak timbang kati tahi tu hari-hari? Sebab bagi kita tahi tetap dibaling.

Tuhan tu Maha Mengetahui. Sekecil manapun, walau niat sahaja pun, Tuhan tahu. Jadi Tuhan tahu kuantiti tahi itu dah kurang sedikit. Itu dah dikira selangkah ke arah kebaikan.

Dan target disitu tadi, berhenti baling tahi lah.

Kalau harini kau tak reti solat, esok kau intai-intai orang solat.

Kalau harini kau tak tahu membaca Al-Quran, esok kau mula dengan Alif Ba dan Ta.

Kalau hari ini kau pendosa besar, esok, kurangkan dosa, kau pendosa kecil.

Kalau hari ini kau mencuri untuk kemewahan, esok kau mencuri cukup sekadar untuk mengalas perut.

Jika hari ini kau perderhaka terhadap ibu bapa, esok, kau buang semua marah terhadap mereka.

Kalau hari ini kau penzina tanpa ragu, esok, kau penzina yang rasa berdosa.

Jika hari ini nafsu kau songsang,kau salahkan Tuhan silap menjadikan kau,esok kau cuba cari Tuhan, cari jawapan.

"Kalau sikit-sikit macam tu sampai bila-bila tak habis."

Memang. Memang dosa tetap dosa sayangku, tak ada kecuali, Tuhan dah tetapkan macam tu. Tapi semakin lama semakin kurang kan? Dan usaha kita pun dikira sebagai pahala kan?

Bukan manusia tanpa dosa yang kita impikan.

Sebab tak mungkin kita sampai ke tahap maksum cenggitu. Kita tak sempurna.

Sebab kita tak sempurnalah, kita sentiasa ada peluang nak 'improve'.

Kalau habis dosa -dosa besar ditinggalkan, usaha buang dosa yang sederhana besar pula.

Kemudian yang kecil pula.

Dan biasanya yang kecil-kecil inilah kita selalu terlepas pandang.

Contohnya buang sampah merata-rata. Remeh kan.? Kadang-kadang tak sedar pun, tapi itu dikira dosa juga. Dosa kecil.

Dan macam yang mula-mula tadi, bukan orang yang tak ada dosa yang masuk syurga, tapi orang yang pahalanya melebihi dosa.

Banyakkan membuat kebaikan, kembali pada Al-Quran dan As-Sunnah. Beratkan lagi timbangan pahala supaya melebihi dosa.

Tapi kita tak tahu berat mana dosa kita. Itu kerja Tuhan. Jadi tugas kita, kerjakan saja apa kebaikan yang termampu, cuba ikut suruhanNya, cuba tinggal laranganNya. Insyaallah, ada ganjaran.

Mudah-mudahan kebaikan yang kita buat Allah terima dan dikurniakan pahala. Yakin dengan Tuhan. Jangan  buruk sangka dengan Tuhan.

Tuhan sayang kita semua. Cari Tuhan, nanti jumpa lah semua jawapan. Terlerailah semua kusut. Tak apa, sedikit dahulu pun tak apa.

"Tapi kak, kalau Tuhan sayangkan aku, kenapa dia timpakan segala macam kesusahan ni? Kenapa aku? Kenapa bukan orang lain? Kenapa orang tak ada susah sampai macam ni pun?"

Adikku, Tuhan timpakan kesusahan itu sebab sayang lah.

Dan ketahuilah, kesusahan yang Tuhan timpakan bukan datang dalam satu bentuk saja. Setiap orang ditimpakan kesusahan yang lain-lain. Jadi kita tak ada hak untuk timbang sukat tahap susahnya kesusahan yang ditimpakan tu. Tuhan dan orang yang ditimpakan itu sahaja tahu.

"Apa kakak mengarut ni?! Dah bagi susah, tak sayang la tu."

Adik. Dengar. Adik kata adik ditimpakan kesusahan, jadi sebelum ini,  adik pernah rasa senang kan.

Masa adik rasa senang tu ada adik bersyukur setiap malam sujud ingatkan Tuhan?

Masa adik senang itu ada adik ingat Tuhan dan bersyukur sebanyak mana adik ingat Tuhan ketika ditimpa susah?

Sekerap mana adik tak puas hati konon Tuhan tak adil tu sama banyak kah dengan kekerapan syukurnya adik atas segala nikmat?

Lumrah manusia selalu lalai.

Tuhan rindu kita. sebab itulah dimusibahkan kita.

Supaya bila susahnya kita, kita ingat untuk merintih tangis kepadaNya selalu.

Bila Tuhan bagi senang, kita selalu lupa untuk bergantung, berharap dan bersyukur. Oleh itu, kesusahan yang diberi.

Bersyukurlah, dalam susah yang kita ada, kita selalu lupa nikmat-nikmat lain yang masih kita punya.

Bersyukurlah Tuhan bagi peluang untuk ingat padaNya.

Kalau Tuhan tak sayang, boleh saja macam ini, "Ah, lantaklah. Biar saja dia dalam kesenangan dunia tu tak ingat Aku. Nanti ke neraka terus." Umpamanya macam itulah.

Dan adik, tak selama-lamanya adik diberi susah. Dan tak selama-lamanya diberi senang. Tiada yang kekal selain ALLAH. Tuhan kan lebih tahu, bila yang TERBAIK untuk diberi kita senang itu. Dan bila yang TERBAIK untuk diberi susah.

Dan kakak disini pun masih jauh dari Tuhan. Masih banyak kurangnya. Kita tak banyak beza pun, sama-sama pendosa. Kakak gagahkan diri langkah satu-satu. Dan adik pun boleh. Yakin pada Tuhan ya? InsyaAllah tenang dunia akhirat.

P/s: Apa yang ditulis ini pun masih belum mampu diselitkan buktinya dari Al-Quran,ayat berapa, surah mana. Sekadar fahaman secara 'general'. Kerana kakak ini masih lagi terkial-kial cuba memahami bait-bait indah Al-Quran, apatah lagi As-Sunnah. Ya, masih MENCUBA. Jadi mana-mana yang salah di sini ,maafkanlah, tentunya dari kekurangan manusia yang menulis ini sendiri. Apa kata adik semak semula adakah benar apa yang akak fahamkan disini. Mungkin selepas ini, adik pula boleh beri pencerahan kepada kakak ini.

NOBODY IS PERFECT. AND YOU ARE NOT NOBODY. YOU ARE SOMEBODY. IMPROVE. 

15 FEB 2013

Aku konfiden dengan apa yang aku dah buat dengan hidup aku, tapi kebelakangan ni aku kerap rasa "Apa yang aku dah buat dengan hidup aku ni?". Well, I really-really hope I can see the reason why very soon. Orang kata benda jadi ada hikmah, jadi benda yang aku yakin sangat buat ni, aku nak tengok jugak dalam masa terdekat ni, apa dia hikmahnya supaya aku tak rasa menyesal and sorts.

*Outing Taman Rimba Teluk Bahang dengan PQah, Tasha, Bancik, Adik, Muncheet and friends (Fatin&Mus) is quite daebak. Uri jiguem manna cost less than RM20 which is only the cost of food in Tesco's Food Court and some drinks and nugget cucuk2 jalanan along the beach. And of course minyak is pre-loaded, full tank, even guna tak sampai separuh pun. Kitorang lepak sembang-sembang kat Queensbay. Sampai bosan, then balik. =) Oh, and btw, jalan dari Teluk Kumbar ke Balik Pulau dah cantik tapi BP to Teluk Bahang, is still  S.C.A.R.Y. for me and my niece at least.